Communication

How can we help each other feel heard and speak with care?

Sometimes the most useful thing we can say is, “What would you like me to understand?” Then we need to leave room for the answer, including pauses and words that arrive imperfectly. Someone may want listening before advice, or company without much conversation. We can ask rather than assume.

Clear communication also distinguishes what happened, what we infer, what matters and what we are asking for. We can acknowledge the reality of someone's feeling while leaving room to examine different accounts of events. Care includes checking that we understood, correcting our own words when needed and expressing boundaries honestly. Being present does not require having a solution.

A question to sit with (optional): Does this person want listening, company, perspective or practical help, and have I checked that I understood?